


Change

by oomunhy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, Kihyun-Hyungwon Friendship, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9561287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oomunhy/pseuds/oomunhy
Summary: No one but himself really knew who Yoo Kihyun was as a person. Or how he had changed over the years.Also, no one needed to know how much he hated himself for changing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Pardon the grammars.

No one knew this fact. Yoo Kihyun was not a touchy person.

Oh well, who was he kidding, the old Yoo Kihyun was not a touchy person. That person had changed in many ways.

He believed that all his changes were caused by none other than the six idiots who lived under the same rooftop with him. And he believed the most significant change was the fact that he didn’t despise people’s touches as much as he used to.

It all started when he had to work with Sun Hyunwoo for their duel mission for No Mercy. Son Hyunwoo, the guy who got the first place for their first monthly panel, the guy who had the biggest arms Kihyun had ever seen, the guy that Kihyun despised the most of all them because of his perfect voice and perfect dance and perfect appearance.

Kihyun remembered though, the first time he made a skin contact with Hyunwoo. He did not expect the touch from the older man. Upon seeing their names next to each other, Hyunwoo had approached him and wordlessly taken Kihyun’s hand. It wasn’t a mere touch within a second, it wasn’t just a barely recognized brush on their arms like what usually happened. Hyunwoo was holding his hand and Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder if his hand was sweaty or clammy under the touch. Hyunwoo didn’t let go until they had to go on their separated ways, but Kihyun’s heart had unexpectedly fell down a second after he lost Hyunwoo’s touch.

And if that was the day he decided that he didn’t despise direct contact from other people, that’s no one else’s business.

 

* * *

 

Kihyun’s stomach didn’t feel good. He felt like throwing up.

The overwhelming feeling after being told that he could debut, the awful churning inside his stomach knowing that two of his friends didn’t make it, and the uneasy one caused by the sight in front of him, made him dizzy. On his left, Jooheon was holding Changkyun tightly, whispering encouragement words to the younger who was crying. Hoseok stood next to Minhyuk not far from the pair which Kihyun couldn’t make the words they were saying to each other. On the far end, Hyunwoo was being interviewed for the SNS, standing closely next to Hyungwon. Hyungwon the visual. Hyungwon the dancer. Hyungwon the former model.

Kihyun shouldn’t have heard the words they were talking, he didn’t want to know either. But luck was on his side, of course. The crew asked him to approach the camera so he got to be interviewed after the pair. He didn’t even reach the spot when he heard the interviewer asked the question to Hyunwoo.

“How do you feel?”

Hyunwoo turned slightly to look at Hyungwon’s face, then answered, “I can’t believe I’m debuting with someone this good-looking.”

Hyungwon just sported a grin as his respond. Kihyun almost ran away from the stage.

 

* * *

 

Hyungwon knew. That huge ripper upper knew how Kihyun felt.

It was one of the rare days that all them got to be home. They were gathered in the living room and Kihyun was sitting with Hyungwon on the couch. Hoseok was trying the new composing app on the computer with his headphone on. On the floor, Changkyun and Jooheon were having a match on their one and only game console. Minhyuk sat next to Changkyun, giving orders to the maknae to play the game the way he wanted. Hyunwoo could be spotted sitting behind Jooheon, who kept messing up his controller. Hyunwoo laughed at him, until Jooheon gave up and whined that Hyunwoo should’ve helped him instead of laughing at him. With a big smile on his face, Hyunwoo scooted closer to Jooheon, trapped the younger between his legs, and put his chin on Jooheon’s shoulder, before helping him.

The smile on Kihyun’s face immediately disappeared. He didn’t even know that his smile disappearing until Hyungwon nudged him.

“You don’t have to glare that hard. Jooheonnie probably doesn’t even think about it,” Hyungwon said.

Kihyun asked back in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

Hyungwon raised his eyebrow in questioning manner, but Kihyun just looked at him like he was growing his second head. When Kihyun didn’t say anything, Hyungwon took a breath and asked, “Were you asking because you don’t know or because you don’t trust me on your secrets?”

“What secrets?”

Hyungwon was taken back at the question. “Are you being serious right now?”

“What?”

“Are you really serious??”

“Hyungwon! Just tell me, don’t piss me off!” Kihyun almost yelled, already drawing attention from Minhyuk.

Without saying anything, Hyungwon lifted himself from the couch and pulled Kihyun’s arm, dragging the smaller to one of the bedrooms. Kihyun couldn’t help but hissed when Hyungwon finally let go his arm, “Whoa, whoa! Why are you dragging me like this, huh?”

“Kihyunnie, I never thought you are actually more of an idiot than me.”

“Hey!!”

Hyungwon sighed as he crossed his arms. He fixed his eyes on Kihyun, “Do you have a crush on Hyunwoo-hyung?”

“What –”

“Answer the question.”

“No,” Kihyun responded quickly before another answer came out from his mouth.

Still, his friend scoffed at the answer, “Liar.”

“I said no.”

Hyungwon pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling tired from only one question. He then asked, “How do you feel when hyung sit closely to Jooheon?”

To Hyungwon’s delight, Kihyun actually took his time to think about the answer. His friend’s expression changed from the thoughtful one, discomfort, and followed by guilt.

“Normal,” Kihyun finally answered. He didn’t want to recognize the ugly thing that he had been feeling towards Hyunwoo and Jooheon. He didn’t want to recognize it and he didn’t want to name it.

“I think,” Hyungwon began carefully, “That you feel jealous of Jooheonnie because you can’t get as close as he is to Hyunwoo-hyung.”

Kihyun frowned. He did not need Hyungwon to tell him how he was feeling, but he also thought that Hyungwon was not wrong.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, Hyungwon. It’s just normal,” Kihyun said as a response.

He expected Hyungwon to argue more after hearing his answer, but his friend didn’t say anything and stared at him instead. Kihyun felt like Hyungwon was staring straight into his soul, where he carefully kept everything inside.

Hyungwon took his time before finally relented and said, “You know what, maybe we can just go back to the living room and see if I’m right.”

When they were back to the living room, both found that Hyunwoo was getting closer to Jooheon than before. And just like that, everything that Hyungwon had said to Kihyun before became real. Kihyun didn’t hold back his frown to show up at the sight, which earned him a nudge from Hyungwon, “Told you.”

Kihyun hated that Hyungwon was right about him being jealous – not that Hyungwon needed to hear that. He only hissed back, “Shut up.”

 

* * *

 

Everyone loved maknae.

Everyone loved Changkyun. The cute, obedient, handsome maknae. Did it matter if Changkyun was short? Nope, not at all.

But everyone seemed to like mock him for having such a height. He wasn’t as handsome as Changkyun. He wasn’t cute. And really, he was probably the least obedient person in the dorm.

Kihyun loved Changkyun. But who didn’t? Hyunwoo also loved Changkyun. And Changkyun loved his oldest hyung as much.

Maybe it wasn’t as much as Kihyun’s feeling towards Hyunwoo, but no one needed to know that. Also, no one needed to know that Kihyun got bitter as soon as Changkyun picked Hyunwoo as his partner to go up in the ferris-wheel.

He redirected his thought to his surroundings instead, dragging Jooheon to get closer to the bay, buying food with Hoseok, singing-along some of their songs with Minhyuk, and pretending to not understand Hyungwon’s pitying eyes that were directed to him. He didn’t want to see the ferris-wheel just to feel like an utter hopeless person.

“Do you think it’s awkward there?” Minhyuk’s question startled him away from his thought.

“Huh?”

“Hyunwoo-hyung and Changkyunnie, do you think it will be awkward between the two of them?”

Kihyun couldn’t help but turning his head towards the wheel. And his eyes immediately found the one cart where Hyunwoo and Changkyun were seated. He raised his arm and pointed out, “There they are!”

Everyone soon shouted nonsenses to the moving cart, hoping that both members inside could hear him. Kihyun was just grateful that Minhyuk seemed to forget his question.

Well, not so much when Hoseok chimed in, “Yah, Kihyunnie! Remember when you and Hyunwoo were paired together on No Mercy? That was awkward as well, right?”

Jooheon launched a high-pitched laughter at that, followed by a loud one by Minhyuk. Hyungwon also chuckled from behind him, but Kihyun didn’t feel like laughing. He didn’t want a reminder that Hyunwoo and he were not compatible working together. Not then, and maybe not now either.

Somehow Hoseok’s statement hit his nerve and he suddenly didn’t have the energy to counter back the older. The back of his eyes felt hot, and it wasn’t in a good way.

It wasn’t long before Hyunwoo and Changkyun made it back from their ride. Jooheon, who was so pure and innocent, shouted at the pair, “Hyunwoo-hyung, hold Changkyunnie’s hand while walking here!”

This time it was Hoseok who burst out his laughter, soon followed by Minhyuk. Kihyun contemplated if drowning himself in the ocean would be a good idea to die.

 

* * *

 

Kihyun was about to cry. And no one was beside him, holding his hand to calm his nerves down. No one was there to cheer him up and guide him to breathe like a normal human being.

He grunted. He was _not_ a kid, he shouldn’t grumble over childish things.

Kihyun should feel proud for Hoseok. He overcame with his fear and jumped down splitting the air from over 200 meters from ground. Everyone was so proud of him, Hyunwoo was proud of him. It made Kihyun worry if any of his members would feel the same way when he landed from his jump. It made Kihyun wonder if Hyunwoo would be proud of him.

Kihyun wouldn’t blame Hoseok for his phobia. The older man was born with it and it made the other boys want to protect him, including Kihyun. But that didn’t mean Kihyun wasn’t jealous of Hoseok. Hoseok, who always had his hand hold by Hyunwoo. Hoseok, who were so talented and handsome, who could easily get Hyunwoo’s attention, and whom Hyunwoo came to when the leader had troubles. Kihyun shouldn’t even think about his hyungs’ relationship when he himself was about to jump, but he couldn’t help himself to feel the jealousy.

Kihyun couldn’t feel bad for Hoseok. The moment Hyunwoo let go of Hoseok’s hand, Kihyun instantly felt relief and he didn’t know why. But the crews decided to let Hyunwoo jump first, leaving Kihyun all alone behind without no one holding his hand. If Hyungwon knew about all the fuss Kihyun had in his head, the walking sleeptard would laugh uncontrollably towards him.

Kihyun hated himself for feeling jealous. He hated the feeling. It was uncomfortable.

Maybe bungee jumping was a good idea after all. Maybe when he jumped, all the feelings would be vanished. Maybe after he flew down, he could forget about things like jealousy.

 

* * *

 

Kihyun could feel Hyungwon smirking from the seat next to him.

“What?” He barked at the taller. Hyungwon’s smirk wasn’t even faltered.

“Please don’t take your eyes from him, Kihyunnie,” Hyungwon teased.

Before the blush could reach his face, Kihyun made a quick move to pinch Hyungwon’s side stomach. The later cringed in pain and laughter.

“It’s not funny!”

“Oh, it kinda is, you’re always so mesmerized by his pre- oh!!!” Hyungwon’s words was cut by the roars around the arena and Kihyun soon found out that Hyunwoo just scored a “9” for his first shot. Their conversation automatically got shut down as they were focus on the final game. Hyunwoo did a good job and Kihyun felt like his heart was about to burst out from pride.

Minhyuk was next.

Here were the things about Minhyuk. Everything within his body, without no doubt, always screamed for attention. Everyone knew that. Kihyun even reached that one point for secretly somewhat tolerating Minhyuk touching Hyunwoo, just because Minhyuk touched everyone. He was very clingy, maybe more for Hyunwoo, but clingy in general.

Kihyun loved Minhyuk. There was no other answer if someone asked him that.

But Kihyun knew well that his jealousy for Minhyuk was much more than for others. Their fans, Kihyun quoted, shipped Minhyuk and Hyunwoo together. Just because the extra amount of affection Minhyuk gave to Hyunwoo was easily noticed by the fans, and Hyunwoo never refused the affection from the cheerful boy.

Kihyun was jealous for Minhyuk. Minhyuk, who could easily touch Hyunwoo. Minhyuk, who was much a better person than Kihyun, someone whom Hyunwoo would probably love, someone who could match with Hyunwoo high pace. The last one, the one that Kihyun made up in his mind, was just proven by the three ten-points shots Minhyuk just did to secure their gold medal.

“What a loser,” Kihyun muttered to himself. But it was loud enough that made Hyungwon turn his head, “What did you just say?”

Kihyun lowered his head before answering, “Nothing.”

He hoped the taller boy would understand and left him alone. But that was not the case. During Changkyun’s performance, Hyungwon kept his focus on Kihyun, moving his eyes back and forth from him to the couple who stood behind Changkyun.

“You’re being jealous over nothing,” Hyungwon finally said.

Kihyun scoffed at him, “I am not being jealous.”

“Oh please, like your face doesn’t give it away.”

Kihyun looked panic for a moment before he could collect himself. Crossing his arms, Kihyun scoffed at his friend, “Stop staring at my face.”

Hyungwon was silent when they saw Changkyun did second shot, earning more points for their team. But as soon as it was GOT7’s player’s turn to aim the bow, Hyungwon spoke up again, “You need to tell him how you feel.”

“You need to shut your mouth.” Was Kihyun’s immediate response.

Hyunwon’s face was borderline teasing and annoying when he said, “Oh my, you’re afraid of being rejected!”

“What? Pffft! Like hell I’m afraid.”

“It’s okay to be afraid, Kihyunnie,” Hyungwon said as he patted Kihyun’s back who swatted away the taller’s hand.

“I’m not afraid, Chae Hyungwon!”

“Prove it.”

“Why do I ha–”

“Prove it.”

“Fine. If he gets a ten-point for the last shot, I will.”

“You’re on!” Hyungwon cheered happily.

Kihyun didn’t realize that he was in for a wild ride.

Because Hyunwoo was their dependable leader. Because Kihyun knew Hyunwoo practiced harder than everyone. Because Hyunwoo was their ace archery player. Because Hyunwoo actually got a ten-point, then standing proudly in the ISAC archery field, proving the entire world that Monsta X could beat over the previous record.

“He did it! Kihyunnie, he really did it!!” Hyungwon was screaming right next to Kihyun while he was still grasping if Hyunwoo actually made a ten-point for his last shot.

“How –, that’s not –, what –”, Kihyun stuttered. Hyunwoo did it, which meant he should confess. Would he do it? Nah, probably not. It would become another bluff he said, just like any other –

“Woah, it’s happening!”

Hyungwon’s excited voice cut his thought short.

“Hyungwon –”

“The one Yoo Kihyun wouldn’t lick his own words, would he?”

Kihyun couldn't name what kind of feeling he got upon seeing Hyungwon's expression. He just wanted to punch him black and blue, which he knew he couldn't.

“Argh, fine! I will tell him later, now let’s –”

Kihyun’s words died as soon as he turned his body to face his members. In front of him, he could see the way Minhyuk looped his arms around Hyunwoo’s neck, their faces were close together. Kihyun suddenly forgot how to breathe.

The sight made his stomach churned upside down and he didn’t feel like celebrating with them. He knew Hyungwon was also seeing what he saw as Kihyun felt being dragged over to the group hug. Kihyun managed to get into the circle, but his eyes were trained to the colour of his shoes while his hands clutching tightly around Jooheon’s shirt.

Kihyun felt like the old him again. The old Yoo Kihyun who despised people’s touches. Maybe he wasn’t meant to change, after all. Maybe he should’ve stayed as the heartless Kihyun.

Maybe he shouldn’t let his feeling take control. Maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t even think about Hyunwoo at all.


End file.
